Beau Biden

Glued to the TV watching the democratic convention, I was enormously moved last night watching Beau Biden introduce his father, the vice presidential nominee. Beau told the story of the automobile accident that occurred between Biden’s election and the time he took his first oath of office. The accident killed Joe Biden’s wife and 1-year old daughter and left the two boys seriously injured. He wanted to step away from the senate seat he was about to take as the youngest senator ever elected. But of course the old lions of the senate, Kennedy, Mike Mansfield, Hubert Humphrey, talked him into taking his place. The story was emotional and now, as we all know, even more than 35 years later, its impact can still be felt. I expected the shot of Jill, Joe Biden’s current wife, sniffing back a tear. And the brief brush of Michelle Obama felt a little gratuitous. But I did not expect the shot of Jon Stewart wiping a tear away. That was an odd surprise.

However this is not what moved me. I was sad for his story, yes – such a thing is always tragic. What touched my soul deeply was what he said next. Five years later, he said, they “Dad, my brother and I, married my mom Jill.” My heart heard him say “mom” and I felt a rush of gratitude for someone who understands. My mother married my father when I was five, after my mother had died very young of cancer. She gave birth to my two brothers. I have never called her my step-mother, nor called my brothers half-brothers. Others sometimes insist on naming the distinction, but these words are meaningless to me. In fact I find them offensive. They seem to call into question the relationships, questioning not only their closeness but their validity. This woman is my mother. These men are my brothers. The fact that blood may not tie us to one another is inconsequential. We made our lives together and not one of us every thinks for a moment that we are not “related” to one another. Relationships are what we make them. Those other words are only what the culture dictates by terminology.