sick, part I

As I was putting a blanket down for yesterday’s picnic my host pointed out the poison ivy. “It won’t matter if you cover it up.” I’ve never actually had poison ivy, and I hope to maintain that record, but I was reminded of our fragile relationship with a natural world that’s trying to kill us. Last summer I rode my bike to a memorial service at the Meeting House a little over a mile away from here. Throughout the set-up, the service, and the reception afterwards, I never recovered from that short ride. I felt exhausted, hot, and not fully present for those four hours. When it came time to ride home, I wanted to be home, but I really didn’t want to get back on the bike. I was resentful, almost as if the bicycle had caused my exhaustion. At home I felt tired, very, very tired. And after two or three days of this I wondered if I was sick and took my temperature – I needed the confirmation of an outside source to believe something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just shirking. My good friend was moving and I thought I might just be playing tired to get out of helping. Would that be just like me? (Would it?) I had a fever. Not a high one, but a fever nevertheless. On Tuesday, the second week of summer school, I bought a large freshly squeezed orange juice at the restaurant next door to my office and went to class. I told the class I wasn’t feeling well and would make it as long as I could. That was about half way through the class – I just put my head down on the table and told them I was done.

It was sort of amazing how sick I got. And how there were not symptoms other than exhaustion. I wound up in the hospital with mystery disease. Just the sort of patient everyone loves. Not that boring, every day illness, but who-knows-what and who can figure it out first. A medical student followed me from room to room wanting to take my history, all manner of specialist came to see me every day – usually with medical students in tow, my usually very reserved doctor suddenly became an aggressive seeker of answers. But none were forthcoming. Infectious diseases specialist, rheumatologist, cardiologist, residents of all stripes, attendings, med students: I was very popular.

To be continued....