sick, part V

The nurses got over their shock that I was being allowed to leave, but as I wheelchaired down to the lobby I was having second thoughts. The exertion of gathering my things and riding the chair downstairs just wore me out completely. I couldn’t even wait outside because it was too hot. Getting into the car was a task and when I was finally in the front seat I was totally exhausted. My front stairs felt like Everest. I was so tired by the time I landed on my couch I thought I’d just moved the Great Pyramid.

It was amazing how diminished my energy level was. I could not get above empty. Taking a shower – something I was so looking forward to because I’d been trapped in the hospital for 4 days – was an ordeal. I was so unsteady I wasn’t sure I’d be able to shower without passing out. I needed one of those shower stools that old people use. Since I didn’t have one the experience was pretty dicey. I couldn’t stand for more than a few minutes at a time. Sitting down, or even moving around in the shower was kind of frightening because of the slippery factor. I was pretty sure I’d fall and break my neck. I couldn’t make any sudden movements, not because of the slipperiness, but because my energy level wouldn’t accommodate that sort of thing. Everything was in slow motion. And everything was done with no fuel. I was always exhausted.

Just to show me who was boss, that night I got a bad case of hives. Big huge ones. Itchy beyond belief. My nurse neighbor gave me some Benedryl and it made me feel drunk on top of the exhaustion. The hives made me look like Richard Nixon, all jowly. I wondered what I’d look like if this thing ever went away. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to be able to go up the stairs without having to stop and rest halfway. I wondered if my fever would ever go away. I wondered if whatever virus this was – they’d finally decided on viral – would leave a bad calling card if and when it finally released me. I wondered if I’d ever have my appetite back. Although it concerned me the least, I wondered what in the world I had.